go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this just has baby written all over it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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