i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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