Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
