also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
