Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
