I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
