Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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