great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize