I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
