***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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