The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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