$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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