im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
