I intend to get homeless drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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