I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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