well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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