we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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