So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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