Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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