You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
