wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
