I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
