Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
