Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize