dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
