I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
