I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
