he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
