So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
