I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
