fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
