Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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