sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
