i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
