I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
her vagine was all disorganized.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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