I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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