did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Enjoy the penises
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
