i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
