Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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