Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
