if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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