Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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