Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and she was petting her beer can
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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