ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
