i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
