I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
