You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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