STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
