...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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