I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize