If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
