R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Nicole vs. Life
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
