i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He shit in the fireplace
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
