why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
