Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
