How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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