his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
