There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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