I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
