Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
