I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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