I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize