I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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