After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
