based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
