is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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