So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
