Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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