VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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