I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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