there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
