Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
