if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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