I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
