3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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